My dream has come true!

"I'M FREE! I'M FREEEEE!!"

That's pretty much what I texted to my husband last Friday as I walked out of work for the last time. Over the holidays my husband and I decided that it would be best for our family for me to resign from my job and become a stay-at-home mom. Because, in case you didn't know, being a working mother is JUST A BIT HARD. I won't bore you with all the gory details of what a nightmare it's been to try to be a good wife and mother while working for a company that only paid lip-service to employee work/life balance. So I'll bore you with only a few details: massive stress, lots of tears, exhaustion, and barely surviving.

I'm stressed out and exhausted just writing about it.

(shaking it off)

SO ANYWAY, my experience as a working mother was not a good one. I'm not going to say that it's more difficult than being a SAHM. I'm also not going to say that being a SAHM is more difficult than being a working mother, although it seems like I hear "Being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world" every time I turn around. My (pretty worthless) opinion is that people that say that are usually making a veiled jab at working mothers (the words "passive aggressive" come to mind). And I'm sure that's born out of the belief that SAHM's are not valued or appreciated. The bottom line is that every situation is different and we shouldn't judge someone until we've walked in their shoes and don't judge a book by its cover and i before e except after c...I think I lost my way there, but my very long-winded point is "Being a parent is the hardest job in the world" and I'll leave it at that.

MOVING RIGHT ALONG.....I'm so excited to finally be able to focus on my family. I've got plans. Big plans. But I'm trying to rein myself in by focusing on a few important things:

• Spending time with my husband. Garrett and I have been in Survival Mode for far too long. Before I resigned from my job, every minute of my day was spoken for. We hardly ever went on dates anymore. And even just laughing over silly things had become a rare occurrence because I was always too stressed to relax. But we are committed to changing that and making time for each other.
• Spending time with my son. Even though I worked from home a lot, I needed to turn care of my son over to a nanny so I could, you know, WORK. I can't tell you how it broke my heart to hear him laughing and having fun during the day, and then being too tired/stressed/exhausted to play with him for the little bit of time I had him before bedtime. That in itself was enough to keep me in a constant state of depression.
• Making home a sanctuary. It got to the point that the only time the house looked presentable was when we were expecting someone over. Which meant that a lot needed to be done to make it that way. Which meant that I had an all new reason to be stressed and to stress out my husband. I want better for my family.
• Getting healthy. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes fifteen extra pounds. Then comes a baby in a baby carriage along with a few more pounds. The stress and downright lack of time has not aided my efforts at weight loss. Ask Dr. Oz. He'll tell you.
• Deepening relationships. Survival Mode does not include meeting friends at Starbucks, taking a walk with a neighbor, or even going to Bible study. If I don't get friend time, and soon, I'll have to create imaginary friends. And there's no guarantee that they'll even like me.
• Becoming a better follower of Christ. I put this at the end of the list to show that I've let it fall to the wayside lately. And I hate that. I won't be able to do any of the things above if I don't stay connected to my Savior. And, quite frankly, I miss Him. I still pray and cry out to Him and have felt His comfort and guidance, but I've missed all of the focused time I used to spend on my relationship with Him. I need that back. And my family needs for me to get it back, too.

I do plan on contributing to my family financially by doing some type of part-time work eventually. But Garrett and I have agreed that I need at least a couple of months to get my bearings at home and get into some sort of rhythm. And did I forget to mention that baby boy is teething? And has had a nasty cold? And started crawling at five months? And hasn't stopped since?

It's a good thing he's so cute.

In the meantime......need financial advice? Contact my husband, Garrett, at http://www.thesingingfinancialadvisor.com/! (Hey, gotta keep the lights on, you know?)

My dream has come true!

https://thelatebloomersblog.blogspot.com/2010/01/my-dream-has-come-true.html

Emptying my brain before falling asleep

It's 2am, and my brain has officially slowed to a crawl. I'm listening to the rustle of my little one moving around in his crib. I say "rustle," but I really mean "the slightest noise amplified unnaturally by a baby monitor made for worriers like me." Shhhhh....he's still now. Oh blessed sleep.

I should be asleep too, because if history has taught me anything it's that I'll be listening to a crying baby in about three hours. Then we'll have our first cuddle of the day as I consider that I'm such a privileged mommy to have such a wonderful baby boy.

So I should be in la-la land right now, dreaming about poopy diapers or that annoying little song that the Jumperoo plays over and over and over again, punctuated by elephant and monkey sounds. But a tornado watch flashed up on the TV screen a few hours ago, and I immediately went to red alert.

Actually, I first tried to figure out which is worse, a tornado warning or a tornado watch? I always get those confused. Because a warning could mean, "Hey, I'm warning you that a tornado, it's a-coming!" But a watch could mean, "I'm watching a tornado right now! Run for your lives!" And then I thought, "Whatever! I see the word 'tornado' and that can't be good!"

So once my internal red alert was established, I pictured myself hearing the wind pick up and running to Michael's room to swoop him up in a motherly football hold in preparation to fly down to the closet under the stairs, kicking the dog and cats out of my way, and screaming for Garrett to follow me. Because I'm thoughtful like that.

Understandably, that mental state was not conducive to sleep. A panic attack...yes. Slumber...not so much.

I decided to stay awake for a while longer and see how this whole tornado situation panned out. It reminded me of the first few nights that we had Michael home. He was so teeny tiny in the bassinet. More often that not, I slept at the foot of the bed so that I could rest my hand on his chest and make sure he was still breathing.

I remember thinking that I wanted to just stay awake and watch over him, knowing that it was impossible to sustain that level of watchfulness for long. I was so frustrated with the limitations of my humanity. But almost immediately I remembered that God "will neither slumber nor sleep." And it hit home like never before that nothing catches Him by surprise.

Oh boy, was I relieved. I still watch over Michael, and have even sat in the rocking chair in his room a time or two while he slept. But rather than watching and fretting, I watch and ponder. I ponder the turn my life has taken the last few years, the fulfilled dreams of a loving husband and beautiful child, and the knowledge that I can go to my own room to sleep and leave Michael in better hands.

Speaking of sleep, it's now 2:45am and I need to sleep while I can! Here's to hoping that my dreams involve something other than diapers and baby toys.

Emptying my brain before falling asleep

https://thelatebloomersblog.blogspot.com/2009/12/emptying-my-brain-before-falling-asleep.html

10 Baby Gear Products That Helped Me Maintain My Sanity

The combined responsibilities of working at a demanding full-time job, taking care of an adorable 5-month-old baby boy, and maintaining some sort of relationship with my cutie-pie husband has kicked me in the butt. Those first couple of months especially were just a blur of emotions, feedings, diapers, and tears (both the baby’s and mine).

But I did manage to learn a few things along the way. Mostly I learned that I had a lot to learn. I also learned that the right product at the right time could be a lifeline to a new mommy.  So in an effort to help other new moms maintain a semblance of sanity, here’s a handy-dandy list of some of my favorite products.

Just keep in mind that you and I may have different definitions of sanity. If your version of sanity doesn’t include anti-depressants and large amounts of sushi, you may want to take the following advice with a grain of salt.

Also - I’m not giving any brand names (for the most part) because nobody is paying me for the tens of seconds it takes to do a Google search and copy a link.

1.  Swaddle Blanket

My little one loved to be swaddled. Babies have a startle reflex that causes them to throw out their little arms and legs, and swaddling keeps them from waking up from it (says Pseudo-Dr. Leslie). My baby book had diagrams and instructions for the proper swaddling of a newborn, but there isn’t a book in the world that could teach the intricacies of swaddling to this engineer. The nurses in the hospital were all “look how good I am at swaddling with a plain old blanket,” but I was all “don’t make me do anything complicated when I’m functioning on only ten minutes of sleep and a diet coke.” So this swaddle blanket with Velcro closures was just what I needed.

2. Travel Swaddle Blanket

I never even knew these things existed until my baby shower, but I ended up loving it. We were able to keep baby Michael swaddled in his car seat, and even when we stopped swaddling him we kept using it to keep him warm when we were out and about. Because those trips to and from the pediatrician in August in Houston in an SUV with a broken rear air conditioner get mighty chilly.

3. Swing(s)

If you’re a research maven and bookworm like I am, you’ll come across the line of thinking that you shouldn’t put your baby to sleep in a swing because then it will be difficult to get them to fall asleep in their cribs. I’m sure some very Smart People came up with that thought, and it made a lot of sense when I first read it, but then I realized that those Smart People are able to write books because they’re not sleep-deprived from dealing with a screaming baby. So until those Smart People come to my house to babysit for me, any baby that lives in this house will have 24x7 access to a swing.

We kept the first swing upstairs in our bedroom, making it possible for me to shower and even answer Nature’s call every now and then. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to answer Nature’s call very often because I didn’t usually see a meal until sometime in the afternoon. It was just too difficult to eat a bowl of cereal or even make toast while holding a newborn.

It was a full six weeks (maybe more), before it occurred to us to get a swing to keep downstairs in the kitchen. Because Smart People don’t live in this house, no matter what those college diplomas say. They don’t teach common sense at the university. But we did eventually figure out that another swing might be a good idea. And it CHANGED OUR LIVES. The air smelled sweeter. The birds sang more sweetly. And Nature put me on speed dial.

4. Formula

Formula isn’t typically listed as baby gear, but I felt that I should include this for all those nursing mothers out there that live by the mantra, “The br**st is best.” I, too, spent the first month of Michael’s life as a Nursing Nazi (“No formula for you!”), until I realized that maybe his constant crying was because he was a wee bit hungry. So we began supplementing with formula and ended up with a very happy baby. I thought that I would feel guilty giving Michael formula, but, honestly, I was so exhausted from the constant feedings that I couldn’t make the formula fast enough. Got milk? That’s great. But a bottle or two (or three or four) of formula a day won’t cause irreparable harm.

5. Boppy

I’m considering writing the Boppy company and suggesting that they create some sort of backpack/harness thingy to use to carry the Boppy because I didn’t go anywhere without it the first couple of months. I used it for nursing, cuddling, bottle feeding, and baby naps. I now occasionally use it to help Michael sit up. Oh, it is a wondrous thing.

6. iPhone

I’m going to go on record as saying that an iPhone is the new must-have item for mommies. Need to know when you last changed/fed the baby? There’s an app for that! Looking for a way to stay awake during midnight feedings? There’s an app for that! Wondering if your husband is on his way home to relieve you from baby duty for a few minutes? There’s an app for that! (I have plans to write a post about my favorite apps, but I’m not making any promises because I’m keeping my distance from things like Obligations and Commitments.)

7. Zippered Footy PJ’s

One of the scariest things that I’ve ever done is pull a tiny T-shirt over my son’s soft-spot-ridden head and around his baby bird neck. Who needs that kind of stress after pushing a watermelon through a pin-hole? We waited until Michael’s umbilical cord stump fell off before putting him in zippered PJ’s, but considering it was almost a month before that happened, the next baby will probably end up being zipped up long before then.

8. Pack & Play Bassinet

It’s a bassinet! No, it’s a changing table! No, it’s a play pen! But wait, it’s all of the above! That’s some serious bang for your buck. Or, in my case, for my brother’s buck since he’s the one that bought it. But you get my drift. (Does anybody say that anymore? Besides thirty-something women that are seriously out of touch with what the young people say these days?) It won’t work for a small bedroom because it’s actually pretty large (large as in “look how big it is”, not large as in “large and in charge” or “livin’ large” or any other out-dated phrase). But if you have the room for it, it may be a better choice than a bassinet that you’ll use for only a couple of months before wrestling it into the attic.

9. Paci Wipes

I love my boy. I really do. But cleaning his paci fifty times a day after he has spit it out (with some force, I might add) is one of the more tedious chores of motherhood. It’s even more frustrating when out and about. I do have those little clip thingies to attach a paci to his clothes or car seat or whatever, but I have a fear that the ribbon keeping the paci from touching the floor will wrap around his sweet wrist and cut off the circulation (because looking for reasons to be anxious has become quite the hobby). The Paci wipes are great because I can just whip them out of the diaper bag and clean off the mute button paci without having to find a faucet.

10. Receiving Blankets

Or, as we like to call them, drop cloths. I just love cuddling with my little one, looking into his big blue eyes while he gives me that gorgeous gummy grin, thinking about what a privileged mommy I am to have such a beautiful/sweet/darling/smart baby boy. But, just as often as not, my beautiful baby boy’s gummy grin becomes the Fount of Many Feedings. So we’ve learned to lay him on a blanket whenever we can. It’s much easier and cheaper to throw a blanket into the wash than to take a comforter to the cleaner’s.

 

Well, there you have it. You’re probably impressed, irritated, or confused by my many words. If you’re impressed, I can safely say that you’re sleep-deprived. If you’re irritated, you must be one of those Smart People. But if you’re confused…Congratulations, you’re a mommy.

10 Baby Gear Products That Helped Me Maintain My Sanity

https://thelatebloomersblog.blogspot.com/2009/12/10-baby-gear-products-that-helped-me.html

He's going to hate us for this one day

Children are born to endure torture and embarrassment from their parents. Garrett and I are prepared to take this responsibility as far as it will go, and we haven’t wasted time getting started.

I’ve included here for your viewing pleasure a little video Garrett took of Michael at six days old. A little background: this video was taken in the morning right after I’d nursed Michael. I left him in his daddy’s care while I got ready for the day. Garrett, ever the proud father, believes that it’s always a good time to take a picture or a recording of the little one. So he grabbed his Blackberry and recorded these moments for posterity.

You’ll hear Garrett’s voice in the background, but I firmly stand by the conviction that there are two sides to every situation and both sides should be heard. As mommy, I am all powerful and can read my son like no one else. So I’ve also provided a transcript of Michael’s thoughts while this video is being taken.

Wow, I passed out. I wonder if anyone noticed. Where am I? Eh, who cares. I’ll just enjoy the moment.

Aaah, clean diaper, soft sheets, full belly…life doesn’t get better than this. If only I could tune out that guy I could pass out again. Maybe if I close my eyes he’ll stop.

It’s working!

Wait, spoke too soon. What the heck, he means well. The forehead massage is kind of nice. I was worried for a second there that he’d get my soft spot, but it’s all good. Hey you, do it again, just stop talking.

He’s not going to stop. That’s ok. I’ll pay him back tonight when he’s the one sleeping. Heh heh heh. Yeah, that’s right, chucklehead. Laugh it up. I’ve got plans.

Oh no, slipping back into the milk coma. What does that woman eat? Someone should really talk to her about her diet….

Ok, I’m back. There he is again. Still talking. Yaaaaawn. The things I have to put up with. Wait…what? What is that thing?! Get that thing out of my face! You don’t know who you’re dealing with! I’m telling you, I will cut you!

Ok, you called my bluff. I don’t have enough muscle control to cut anybody, but what I do have is a full belly. So I’ll show you! This diaper isn’t staying clean for much longer! WATCH THIS, FUNNY GUY!!!

That’s my boy.

He's going to hate us for this one day

https://thelatebloomersblog.blogspot.com/2009/09/he-going-to-hate-us-for-this-one-day.html

Baby Michael may wish he was deaf

 

My husband totally stole my thunder as a lullaby singer.

I used to daydream about singing to my baby, knowing that my child would be too young to judge my voice. But, proving that “the best laid schemes of mice and men go often askew”, I married a professional singer (AKA The Singing Financial Advisor). I promise you, even a two-month-old can tell the difference between Garrett’s trained voice and my out-of-tune croaks.

But I got over it. In part because the dream wouldn’t die, but mostly because the older I get, the less I care about looking ridiculous (and it’s a good thing, let me tell you, or I’d never leave the house). Please allow me to share with you my repertoire.

1. “Jesus Loves You”
   This would be the ever popular “Jesus loves me, this I know…”, but I replace the “me” with “you”. I was inspired by that great piece of television history, “Touched By an Angel”. I always get shivers at the end when Monica lights up like a Christmas tree and tells some wayward soul “God loves you!” I watched a lot of “Touched By an Angel” on my maternity leave and realized that Michael needed to hear that God loves him, and often. Adapting “Jesus Loves Me” seemed like the most child-friendly way to do that.
2. “Baby Mine”
   I cried the first time I sang this to Michael. I dare you to watch this video without tearing up. 
   
3. “I’ll Love You Forever”
   One of my best friends gave me the book I’ll Love You Forever as a baby shower gift. I cried the first time I read it to Michael. (Yes, again. I’m such a mess.) In the book, the mother sings the following to her son: “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.” I made up a little melody to go with the words and sing it to Michael when I’m feeling sweet. It makes for a tender moment between mother and son, even though Michael doesn’t know what the heck I’m saying.
4. “Swinging on a Star”
   Garrett used to sing this song to my belly when I was pregnant. He had some of his choirs sing it when he was a choir director, and it remains one of his faves. Garrett sang it to Michael right after he was born while he was getting checked out by the nurses, and I promise you that Michael recognized it! He quieted down right away. Since it worked such wonders right after birth, I’ve insisted that Garrett sing it to the baby many times since then. So maybe it isn’t so much one of his favorites anymore, after all. Anyway, I don’t sing this one because Garrett does it soooo much better than me. And I can’t be bothered to learn the words. I get so confused and mix up the mule and fish and whatever other critters are in the song. It’s just too much for my brain to handle.

 

So there you have it. Three songs sung by Mommy and one by Daddy. Go to Missy’s blog for more lullaby ideas!

Baby Michael may wish he was deaf

https://thelatebloomersblog.blogspot.com/2009/09/baby-michael-may-wish-he-was-deaf.html

And baby makes 3 (hours of sleep, that is)

This blog officially transformed from Newlywed Blog to Mommy Blog on the coolest birth date ever – 07/08/09. Michael Thomas entered the world at 5:27 pm, weighing 7.5 pounds and measuring 20.75 inches. I’m a mommy! Can you believe it?

All mothers think that they have the most beautiful and special child to have ever graced this planet with their presence. They brag about every accomplishment, both real and imagined. After boring you with every minor detail of their child’s life, they confide in you that they are certain that their spawn is destined for greatness.

And I’m no different.

So let’s just get that out of the way, shall we?

My son is the most beautiful child to ever be born of woman. I know just from looking into his eyes that he is also the smartest. I feel certain that he’ll be walking by 3 months and speaking by 5 months. He will spend his first birthday putting the finishing touches on The Great American Novel, allowing him to focus on Broadway adaptations of various John Hughes movies. Sixteen Candles – The Musical will be his breakthrough endeavor. At 5 he will be the youngest member of the US Olympic team, competing in a minimum of three sports. By ten he will have been on the covers of every major magazine, but he won’t care because it would be too much of a distraction from his research into finding a cure for the common cold.

But I’m getting a little ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning…

Like most birth stories, Michael’s birth day was nothing like I imagined it would be. I thought for sure that Michael would come a month early and weigh 20 pounds. But his due date came and went without a peep from him. My body did not take well to pregnancy (major understatement), so we decided to induce labor as soon as possible, which was two days after the due date.

By 7 am, I’d been strapped in, induced, and had my water broken. The whole breaking of the water thing scared me, but I totally didn’t feel a thing other than the trickle of fluid. As a matter of fact, the most painful part of the first couple of hours was the blood pressure cuff on my arm that was intent on breaking a bone, or at the very least driving me to have words with the medical staff about their faulty equipment (mission accomplished). I am now convinced that it was part of a vast right (hospital) wing conspiracy to take the focus off of my labor pain for as long as possible.

Speaking of pain, the word of the day was Epidural. The doctor informed me that the magic number for the magic juice was 4 cm. I came into the hospital at 2 cm, so I thought, “No problem!” Well, after a couple of hours of ever-increasing pain, the nurse suggested that I take something for the pain because I was nowhere near getting the epidural.

After that dire statement you better believe that I said yes to her offer. And I regretted it. Whatever she gave me made me hazy and loopy well into the next day. It knocked me out for a little bit, but once I woke up I felt every contraction with the added problem of having trouble communicating. So for the next couple of hours I lay in bed moaning, “Oh God, no no no NO NOOOO…” without much awareness of anything going on around me. I was in my own little world of Pain.

(Side note: Contractions felt totally different than what I thought they would feel like. I expected sharp stabbing pains, but instead contractions felt like a dull-yet-extremely-intense ache. Kind of like food poisoning with rhythm.)

Once I did reach the goal of 4 cm, the anesthesiologists were too busy to get to me right away. Of course. I expected no less. Ninety minutes passed before one of them got to me. The good thing about the delay was that I continued to dilate, so most of my dilation occurred without an epidural.

Having the epidural administered was one of the most difficult parts of the day. I was desperate for an end to the pain, but I had to be completely still or the doctor wouldn’t continue. I had at least two contractions during the administration of the epidural. Keeping my body still during those contractions took every bit of my will power.

It should have been smooth sailing after the epidural, right? Well, not so much. Before I go into that, let me first say that my husband and I did not romanticize labor. We didn’t care one bit about it being a “beautiful” experience. Labor is called “labor” for a reason: it hurts, it takes a lot of work, it hurts, it’s physically and emotionally draining, and oh yeah, IT HURTS! All we cared about was seeing our beautiful baby.

We were prepared for the unexpected, and we got it – THE EPIDURAL WAS TOO INTENSE! My lower body became completely numb. I felt absolutely nothing. As a matter of fact, my legs were so numb that it actually hurt. I know that doesn’t make any sense, but that’s the only way I know to describe it. I became completely paranoid that my legs would get into some sort of weird position and cut off the circulation, and I wouldn’t be able to feel it to do something about it. So instead of dealing with contractions, I was dealing with the beginnings of a panic attack.

Once it was time to push, my body started shaking like crazy. But I was completely useless. Since I couldn’t feel anything, I was not able to pinpoint how to push. From the reading I’d done about labor and epidurals, I knew this wasn’t right. Forty-five minutes of blood-vessel-popping pushing achieved nothing. They moved me into four different positions, but nothing worked. While the nurses whispered about a C-section, I somehow communicated to my family that THE EPIDURAL, IT NEEDED TO GO AWAY.

The anesthesiologist was called in to turn off the epidural. After about fifteen minutes, I was able to feel enough to properly push. My doctor arrived at around this time and determined that a C-section would not be necessary. So I started pushing.

One of the nurses offered to bring over a mirror so I could see the baby’s head. The mirror hadn’t interested me before, but I said sure, why not. It ended up being the turning point. Besides the awe of seeing my little boy’s head for the first time, I was able to see what pushes were productive. So twenty minutes after resuming pushing, my son was born!

My first thoughts after seeing Michael consisted of the following:

• “Oh my goodness, that’s a real little person!”
• “He’s so beautiful! I DIDN’T REALIZE HE’D BE SO BEAUTIFUL!!!”
• “I COULD TOTALLY DO THIS AGAIN!”

Michael’s arrival was met with much yelling, laughing, crying, and rejoicing. Seeing the joy and pride on Garrett’s face was one of the best things about the day. Seeing my baby boy’s face for the first time was the other best thing. I’ve always thought that babies look so much alike, but I could have picked Michael out of a baby line-up after looking at him for ten seconds. It seemed like I’d known his face forever. Maybe that’s because he looks so much like his daddy!

I just love this kid.

His Abuelita is pretty crazy about him, too.

What mother wouldn’t love this face?

Or this face?

Or especially this face?

Whether he’s sleeping…

…or wide awake…

…he’s my son, and I adore him.

I am truly blessed.

And baby makes 3 (hours of sleep, that is)

https://thelatebloomersblog.blogspot.com/2009/08/and-baby-makes-3-hours-of-sleep-that-is.html