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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

He's going to hate us for this one day

Children are born to endure torture and embarrassment from their parents. Garrett and I are prepared to take this responsibility as far as it will go, and we haven’t wasted time getting started.

I’ve included here for your viewing pleasure a little video Garrett took of Michael at six days old. A little background: this video was taken in the morning right after I’d nursed Michael. I left him in his daddy’s care while I got ready for the day. Garrett, ever the proud father, believes that it’s always a good time to take a picture or a recording of the little one. So he grabbed his Blackberry and recorded these moments for posterity.

You’ll hear Garrett’s voice in the background, but I firmly stand by the conviction that there are two sides to every situation and both sides should be heard. As mommy, I am all powerful and can read my son like no one else. So I’ve also provided a transcript of Michael’s thoughts while this video is being taken.

Wow, I passed out. I wonder if anyone noticed. Where am I? Eh, who cares. I’ll just enjoy the moment.

Aaah, clean diaper, soft sheets, full belly…life doesn’t get better than this. If only I could tune out that guy I could pass out again. Maybe if I close my eyes he’ll stop.

It’s working!

Wait, spoke too soon. What the heck, he means well. The forehead massage is kind of nice. I was worried for a second there that he’d get my soft spot, but it’s all good. Hey you, do it again, just stop talking.

He’s not going to stop. That’s ok. I’ll pay him back tonight when he’s the one sleeping. Heh heh heh. Yeah, that’s right, chucklehead. Laugh it up. I’ve got plans.

Oh no, slipping back into the milk coma. What does that woman eat? Someone should really talk to her about her diet….

Ok, I’m back. There he is again. Still talking. Yaaaaawn. The things I have to put up with. Wait…what? What is that thing?! Get that thing out of my face! You don’t know who you’re dealing with! I’m telling you, I will cut you!

Ok, you called my bluff. I don’t have enough muscle control to cut anybody, but what I do have is a full belly. So I’ll show you! This diaper isn’t staying clean for much longer! WATCH THIS, FUNNY GUY!!!

That’s my boy.

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